Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
