how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
