The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I have aggressive nipples.
These tits shall not be calmed
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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