She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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