I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
