What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
