All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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