areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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