I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
