he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
