Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
