so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
