You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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