You're completely useless in the revolution.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
