On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
