I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
