i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
