So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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