She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
