3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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