hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
