it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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