fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
