He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
