then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
