we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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