if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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