After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
