Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
