Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
