i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
