I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
