This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
