Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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