i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
