so that wasnt chicken after all
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
