I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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