dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Randomize
