Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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