you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
