i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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