we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
