The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
