I could have mohawked her pubes.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
