Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
