Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
