mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
