Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
