so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
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