You smell like a Billy Joel song
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
