i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
