Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
